Cliff was 65 years old when admitted to hospice with terminal cancer. Cliff is five feet four inches tall and weighs 115 pounds. But don’t make the mistake of underestimating him; for he didn’t always look like this. And he’s not a quitter; he’s a scraper, a survivor.

Cliff was born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland and lived in “at least” ten foster homes. And like many children from fractured homes, Cliff lived with a vengeance, determined to vindicate himself. He was a “Golden Gloves” boxer with a record of “101 wins and 2 decisions”. He’s also a topnotch amateur golfer, accomplishing every golfer’s dream of a “hole in one”, and at a PGA sanctioned tournament. Cliff has the framed certificate to prove it. He was a police officer for a few years in Baltimore, working undercover in narcotics and was stabbed and shot in the line of duty. He was a private contractor. Cliff proclaimed, “I solved construction problems in my dreams; I would wake up the next morning and have it all figured out in my mind. I’ve always been like that”.

Cliff moved to Portsmouth about three years ago to join back up with, Carol, his close friend of more than thirty-five years. Carol lives in the same apartment building, on the floor directly below him. It was shortly after moving to Portsmouth that Cliff met his good friend “Hippie” at a local bar. Cliff testified that Hippie has stuck by him through thick and thin. Hippie stayed by Cliff’s side for two weeks at Riverside Hospital while Cliff recovered from major surgery.

A few months ago Cliff’s health started failing. He was falling at home and he was admitted to our inpatient hospice center. While there, our interdisciplinary team convened a meeting with Cliff, Carol, Hippie and a sister from out of town. We recommended that Cliff consider a nursing home or assisted living placement. When we questioned Cliff’s ability to continue to manage at home he responded, “You don’t know me! I’ve spent one and a half years of the past two years in a hospital or a nursing home. I had to learn to do everything all over again. I hate those places and I’m not going back there. I’m walking out of here and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just watch me.” And he did.

It’s been almost four months since Cliff rejected our advice. Since that time Cliff’s went fishing with three friends at the local “Trout Derby”; and traveled to Johnson City, Tennessee by Greyhound Bus, where he spent two weeks with a friend he grew up with in Baltimore. And Cliff has been enjoying the freedom and comfort of his own apartment; preparing his own meals to his own liking and coming and going as he pleases. A couple months ago I confessed to Cliff that we’d been wrong; that we’d made the mistake of underestimating him. I suggested, “It’s a good thing you didn’t take our advice.”

Last week as Cliff, Hippie, Kyle (a new Social Worker orienting to hospice) and I sat outside on the steps of Cliff’s apartment building reviewing the first draft of this story, Hippie exclaimed, “We’re all going to die; you and I are going to die, but we just don’t know when. But Cliff knows when. At least he has a time frame and he wants to decide how he wants to live it out. It’s kind of like his bucket list. And I’m not going to let his spirits get down.”

Cliff’s fierce determination reminds me of the lyrics of a song that my son-in-law, Shane Runion, recently wrote titled, “Clint Eastwood”. Following are some relevant excerpts: “I’m going to put on a throwback, a flat-rim black hat, bottle and a brown bag, and hit the road…face up to the cold rain and let it go. I don’t care, I’m going to do it like Clint Eastwood…I’m going to get ten kinds of mean…like a western movie scene. Going to write the book myself, going to raise a little hell…I’m going to do it like Eastwood.”

One of the cardinal values of Social Work is the “right to self-determination”. As the Apostle Paul wrote, “Who are you to judge another’s servant,” (Romans 14:4); and, “For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him?” (I Corinthians 2:10-12) And Oswald Chambers wrote, “Never make the mistake of trying to use your life as a template for someone else’s…allow God to work in the lives of others with the same creativity and individuality as He has in yours,” (“My Utmost for His Highest”, paraphrased).

There are times when we are called on, and obliged, to offer our professional opinions, but in philosophical terms we are “free moral agents”. We have the freedom to “write the book” ourselves.

“…work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure,” (Philippians 2:12-13).

Loren Hardin is a social worker with SOMC-Hospice and can be reached at (740) 357-6091 or at lorenhardin53@gmail.com. You can order Loren’s book, “Straight Paths: Insights for living from those who have finished the course”, at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.