We’ve all been on the receiving end of this. And we’ve probably all said it to someone else in one way or another. As our favorite Golden Girl Sophia would say, “Picture it…”
You are having a nice conversation, then something gets said that you really want to comment on, but you don’t. At first.
You listen and try to be polite, but the more they talk, the more you realize they need to see the error of their ways. Your enlightenment might be the thing that opens their eyes to a new and better perspective. They go on. You listen some more, only to hear something that confirms how off base they really are.
Then you just can’t help it.
You know you have to say something, but don’t want to come across as abrasive. They probably won’t want to hear it, so you need to soften the blow somehow. Instead of coming right out with it, you start with something like this:
Not in a bad way, but…
Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but…
I don’t mean this to offend you, but….
I don’t want to sound mean, but…
Don’t take this the wrong way, but…
I mean this is the best way possible, but…
It’s not a stretch to say that in almost every case, it most definitely is not received in the best way possible. It probably does sound mean. Friends, just because we preface the conversation with a line that says we don’t want to hurt someone doesn’t mean they won’t be hurt.
Let’s just call it what it is. Those phrases are disclosures to warn us that abrasive content is coming up. But let’s be real. Sometimes it just needs to be said. So how do we know when to let loose and when to walk away?
Check your intention.
Is it sincerely to help them? Sometimes the ones we love need to hear hard things and it’s better coming from us than someone else. Many times, nobody else will be honest enough with them to talk about the tough stuff. If it’s really difficult to deliver the message, but it comes from a sincere place in your heart, it’s probably okay to say. If you only want the best for that person and they really need some guidance, then maybe it needs to be said in the most gentle way possible.
For instance, “Maybe I shouldn’t say this, but it seems like you are having some trouble in your marriage. I’m here if you want to talk.” That’s helpful, and they would probably appreciate the honesty. However, if you say something like, “I don’t want to offend you, but your butt got huge!” Probably a little too much honesty.
Or, would it feel kind of awesome to finally put someone in their place? To get a little revenge? To finally get something hurtful off your chest, even though it will probably make the situation worse?
“I mean this in the best possible way, but I would rather be anywhere but with you right now.” Ouch. Or, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you and everyone in your political circles are idiots.” Not helpful.
Ask yourself this: Is it building a proverbial bridge that will help your relationship? Or, would your words be building a wall between you? If it would be building a wall, is getting back at them really going to make you feel better in the long run? Is proving they are wrong worth risking the hurt feelings?
I saw a quote from LiveLifeHappy that said, “The best revenge is to have enough self-worth not to seek it.” Boom. That’s what I’m talking about.
“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” (Proverbs 17:28)
Have a blessed week, friends!
