No one ever wants to come home from a vacation, especially when that vacation is on a beautiful beach with absolutely perfect weather. Is there anything more depressing than packing up the car and knowing that you are facing that 11-hour drive back home? That’s the situation I faced last Saturday morning as the wife and I prepared to leave after a wonderful four days in Hilton Head. We decided to tackle the 11-hour drive home in one day, saving the money we would have spent on another hotel room. (That money vanished the next day anyway with the $160 worth of the Big Orange’s cheaper groceries.)

As most of you can attest to, there is something magical about the ocean and the beach. I have no idea what that is, maybe the relaxation and short break from the rigors of everyday life, but whatever it is, it is something special. Here are some of the observations that I tucked away last week.

I most definitely don’t have a “beach body” but when you are on a beach with hundreds of people who have no clue who you are, it doesn’t natter. Everyone is in the same boat and really not worried about body impressions. Now I did figure out who the most successful entrepreneur in the world might be- the fellow who uses a dollar and a quarter worth of material to produce the quite skimpy swimsuits that likely sell for about $50.

When you are at the beach, you aren’t living on normal time, you’re on what we like to call “beach time.” That means that when you think you have been sitting in the sun and sand for about four hours, you look at the clock and see it’s been about 15 minutes. It doesn’t work that way at home unfortunately, especially when you have a whole bunch of work to catch up on after being away for the job for a week. Honestly, I need more “beach time” for my own sanity.

One thing about Hilton Head- you can never be at a loss for music. If you own a guitar and can sing a little, then you’ll have a gig. Nearly every hangout and many restaurants had music of some sort, usually one guy with a guitar, microphone and a tip jar. Our hotel had a spot near the beach called The Tiki Hut and they had live music from 11 in the morning until 10 at night, so you could sit on the beach and play “Name That Tune”. Where else you gonna hear a band on the beach play “You Never Even Called My By My Name.” Made me quickly think of Terry Rigdon.

I will give one word or warning to anyone driving to Hilton Head or anywhere south via I-77. Avoid Charlotte at all costs, one giant cluster! Even had our GPS in total confusion- go 1.2 miles, no wait, 3-2 miles, no make that 1.5 miles, find the express lane, oh the heck with it, figure it out yourself. I usually don’t do the driving in high traffic areas like that, but this time I was caught and there was nowhere to get off the road and make the driver switch. I think my knuckles still hurt from gripping the steering wheel for dear life. I will give credit to the little lady in the GPS. She must have been so stressed that she sent us home on a totally different route that took us through the beautiful hills of North Carolina, Tennessee, Virginia and Kentucky. Much less stress, no real traffic and 11 hours licked in one day. Perhaps the saving grace on the trip down- a quick stop in Mt. Airy, NC, a.k.a. Mayberry, where I bought a keychain to replace the one I bought in the same place three years ago. Funny, though, the price had doubled. Must have been Biden’s fault.

I didn’t totally cut myself off from the sports world while I was gone. I followed the Reds and Mets on my phone and watched them on my phone if we were in the room at night. I didn’t get to see the Bengals game with the Eagles but had a live cast on my phone while we visited Harbour Town. Fortunately, the wife doesn’t get too upset about all that.

Of course, the end of a vacation means the unavoidable return to the real world and a lot of work to catch up on along with the beginning of my coverage of fall sports. I’ll be out there in the field as soon as I can, hoping that the weather cools off soon. I don’t function too well outdoors when it’s 90 degrees outside, unless of course I have an ocean to cool me off.

One more thing. I would like to thank the nearly 400 friends on Facebook who wished me a Happy Birthday this past weekend. Now I have 4,317 friends there so I am disappointed in the other 3,900 of you. Just kidding…you all have until next year to get your act together.

Mark Carpenter can be reached a [email protected], on Facebook, X and Instagram.