By Denae Jones-
You may think I am referring to that person next to you that has those expensive, light-up sneakers, when here yours are a plain orange color. While similar, that’s not exactly what I mean. I think we all find ourselves guilty of having envy from time to time. (Myself included.) Maybe they got a job promotion you had been trying to get. Maybe it’s over something else. While you’re happy for them, you still have envy.
You are human. It’s okay.
Having been diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor as a child, I find envy to be one of my biggest struggles. I was raised just like any normal child. There was none of this special treatment for having medical conditions. But in a lot of ways, I was never normal. There were no medals for sports. There was no such thing as something coming easy. I always had envy over my brother who had straight A’s without ever cracking open a book. I had to attend his sporting events where he would get to be around kids just like him. I saw him fit in. I saw his medals. The envy I had was real, but never felt validated.
I never understood why I wasn’t fitting in. I didn’t understand where my medals were. I was normal, right? I felt like I had the plain orange sneakers while it seemed like my brother and other kids had the light up sneakers. I felt alone with no one to relate to.
I wasn’t happy with orange sneakers.
To be honest I still struggle with these orange sneakers. As I have gotten older, I have learned I am not normal. Not that there truly is even a normal. But as you grow up, you learn a thing or two. Most people in my life wear those light up sneakers on their way to getting married, having a family, moving away, or celebrating college gradations. You can’t help but have envy.
It is hard to learn to like those orange sneakers. It’s hard to see what you feel you are missing out on. It is hard when, as much as everyone tried to treat you normal, you realize you aren’t like others. It is hard to find a place to belong.
Over the years you must learn this is your life. So, you didn’t get light up sneakers. It’s okay. You can be just as happy with the orange sneakers. You may not have that medal or 4.0 gpa. It’s okay. You may have something that people with light up shoes don’t. You may have a level of appreciation that others may not have. You may have a level of compassion many seem to lack. You may have learned patience while you were waiting your whole life for those light up sneakers.
One day you are going to learn it is okay to have orange sneakers. It is okay to have days you are unhappy and have envy. But you must remember that even though you have orange sneakers, orange is a beautiful color.
Life may not be the way you wish, but you can still turn it into something beautiful. You are in charge of being happy and making the orange sneakers stand out.
~Miara Miles
