By Loren Hardin-

Shirley who was in her 70’s when she enrolled in our outpatient hospice services with terminal cancer. Shirley married at age fifteen and admitted, “I got pregnant and then I got married, but I think you’re supposed to do it the other way around.” Shirley reminisced about how she and her deceased husband, during their younger years, loved to dance; “My husband had to have a few beers before he would dance, but I didn’t need anything. I just loved to dance. I really think I could have become a professional dancer. But my husband had a heart attack and he had to stop drinking, so we stopped dancing too. The kids were older too, so they didn’t need us as much anymore. So we just started watching TV and going out to eat. I really didn’t enjoy it though. I was bored. We just couldn’t think of anything else that we wanted to do. It became a routine and we just started to mold.” Shirley looked me squarely in the eyes and said, “Loren, promise me that whatever you do, don’t ever let yourself start to mold”.
Shirley and I talked about the stages of life, how each stage presents us with corresponding challenges. We talked about how, with the passing of each stage, we are perennially presented with the question, “What else can I do?” We are faced with the challenge of grieving the loss of what used to be, reconstructing our lives and reinvesting ourselves. And when we do, we continue to live. Shirley, with a quivering voice suggested, “This might be my last stage; and I won’t be moving on to another one. I’m stuck in this stage and I can’t get out of it. I want to go back to another stage when I could dance.”
Many of us when faced with life’s transitions fall into depression or despair. John Bunyan wrote a wonderful allegory titled “Pilgrims Progress”. He wrote about how “Christian” along his pilgrimage to the “Celestial City” fell into the “Pit of Despond” (despair). Then a fellow pilgrim named “Helper” came along and asked, “What are you doing out there?” Christian replied, “I fell in! ” Helper asked, ” Why didn’t you use the steps…some good and substantial steps have been placed in this slough (stagnant swamp) by order of the Lord of Salvation, but at times this marsh spews out a lot of filth, and in times of changing weather the steps are hardly seen… Nevertheless the steps are there.”
The writer of the Book of Hebrews pointed out some steps that we can take when we are in times of changing weather: “… let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Looking unto Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith… consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls… strengthen the hands that hang low and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, bur rather be healed. (Hebrews 12: 1-13, NKJV).
Are these “times of changing weather” for you? Take heart and keep in mind, that even though the steps may be hard to see, “Nevertheless the steps are there.” Look for the steps! And if “Helper” shows up and extends His hand, take it. And for God’s sake, for the sake of all those in your life you care about and who care about you, “Whatever you do, don’t ever let yourself start to mold”. Never let it be chiseled on your tombstone, “Died age forty, buried age seventy”.
“I hope you never lose that sense of wonder, you get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger. May you never take one single breath for granted; God forbid love ever leaves you empty handed. I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean; whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance; I hope you dance. I hope you never fear the mountains in the distance, never settle for the path of least resistance… Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance; and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance… (“I Hope You Dance”, Martina McBride).
Loren Hardin is a social worker with SOMC-Hospice and can be reached at 740-357-6091 or at lorenhardin53@gmail.com. You can order Loren’s book, “Straight Paths: Insights for living from those who have finished the course” at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.