Memories on Memorial Day A soldier’s story, a family’s grief Thank You for your sacrifice Seaman community honors local veterans with special tribute Former PES teacher dies in tragic accident All County Senior Citizens Day celebrated Parks signs with SSCC Soccer Senior Profile: Lexie Bunn Jessie Rodgers Memorial Day services set for county Truly our greatest generation Bertha Lashley Maia Swartz Jessie Rodgers Errors spell the end of Devils’ baseball season Senior Profile: Carry Hayslip Lady Hounds’ season ends with tourney loss to Paint Valley North Adams hosts Youth Volleyball Camp Time to get “Stroke Savvy” OVCTC, GE host Community Service Day 65 years in the pulpit Jamison, Richmond, Minshew conquer second race of 2017 Brushcreek season Manchester’s Cox signs with Rio basketball program Senior Profile: Andrew Weeks A dozen SHAC champions Thomas D Lute Sandra F Schwab Turning something broken into something beautiful Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide One dead, two injured in ATV accident 2017 Graduation Ceremonies West Union Alumni and Friends Educational Fund announces 2017 Scholarship Awards TAG students tour Pennsylvania Commissioners proclaim Older Americans Month Building an anti-drug culture one t-shirt at a time SECTIONAL CHAMPIONS NAES students awarded Science Camp scholarships SSCC’s Associate Degree Nursing program celebrates graduation Bauman selected to National 4-H Congress Lois Pertuset Hazel Nixon Philip L Paeltz Manchester Youth Volleyball Camp begins May 30 Jase Thatcher Figgins’ walk-off winner sends North Adams to Division III sectional finals Lady Hounds top East 10-3 in sectional opener Commissioner Pell, union reps travel to DC Forgotten experience brings back good memories for WUHS seniors Gordon Boldman Local teen injured in jeep accident BCI Investigation underway Rick Arnold Happy Mother’s Day- Do you want food? Robert Hodge Melvin Tipton Lady Dragons Basketball Camp begins May 22 Lady Devils Basketball Camp is May 30-June 1 National Day of Prayer celebrated in county NAES students enjoy day at GABP Car strikes Amish buggy near Winchester Eldon J Shoenleben Farming out life lessons to children and parents Proposed Medicaid changes could cost Adams County millions Annual ‘Redneck Run” returns to Manchester May 13 They really were the best of times West Union hosts Junior High, High School County Track Meets Figgins signs with SSCC Soccer Perfect again! Senior Profile: Caley Grooms James T Hughes Anderson signs with Rio Grande Basketball Senior Profile: Miranda Schiltz Playing for Dad, Part II Lady Indians win SHAC Big School title Danny Bryant Sadie Stamm Franklin E Brayfield Softball, baseball tourney match ups announced Traveling Vietnam Memorial Wall coming to Georgetown next week Southern Ohio Genealogical Society offers program on ‘Family History Sources at the Ohio History Center’ Joseph A Johnson Jr Kramer tosses two shutouts in five days Trip to Akron = two more wins for Lady Indians softball Devils blank Dragons in non-conference battle Meade twins part of Rio baseball program Playing for Dad Senior Profile: Madison Welch As Mr. Seas It, for ACOVSD High School graduates We stayed up all night with Bob Clean up of Manchester’s abandoned gas stations continues Ribbon cutting held for canoe/kayak access sites Columbus Industries donates driveway repair to Animal Shelter North Adams Elementary recognizes March Students of the Month Animal Shelter Adoption Center announces new hours of operation Major road construction planned for summer months West Union Elementary honors March Students of the Month Charles D Jordan Betty Ginn Pamela M Hampton Former county sheriff celebrates 80th birthday

A club I didn’t sign up for

By Danae Jones – People’s Defender

I have been to more funerals over the last few years than I care to admit. Unfortunately, most people have no idea how many lives they’ve touched while they are living, but at a funeral the family and friends left behind have the privilege of seeing the evidence of a life well lived. It has always seemed so cruel to me that many times after you lose someone you love, your title changes from something that you held in high regard to something that you never wanted to be. A wife becomes a widow. A husband becomes a widower. In many cases, a child becomes an orphan.

Losing anyone is extremely upsetting, but the loss that really gets to me the most is when a parent loses a child. It’s not the way it’s supposed to happen. It’s unnatural. Their title doesn’t change, though. A parent will always be a parent, but they become a member of an unspoken ‘club’. (For lack of a better term.) It’s a club that nobody wants to belong to, and where few non-members really understand what happens there. Kicking, screaming, and casting anger at God, I became a member of that club in 1999, when I had a second trimester miscarriage and lost the baby I had been dreaming about since I was 8 years old. His name is Jacob. Later that year, I lost baby Dani. This past year would have been Jacob’s 16th birthday. It’s not a day that I would expect anyone to remember, as it’s not written anywhere besides in my heart. But for me, even after all these years, the birthdate is still harder to take than the loss date. My baby sister understood that, and would send flowers in remembrance, and that meant a great deal. But it’s still sad knowing we should be celebrating all of those rights of passage that other kids get to celebrate. Starting kindergarten. Losing teeth. Getting a driver’s license. My other children and I often make cookies on that day, but I mostly spend the day despising the fact that I’m a member of a club I didn’t sign up for.

For those first few months after the loss of my babies, there were many cards, phone calls, and meals brought to the house. After that, I found that most people didn’t know if saying something about it would upset me, or didn’t know what to say, so they would say nothing, which was even worse. But I understood. Everyone handles situations like that differently, and you never know what the right thing is to do. But for me, having it not acknowledged at all was very hard to take.

My babies were here, a part of my heart and soul, and were taken from me without my permission. That’s when I realized that there was one advantage to being a member of this ridiculous club, other club members. They understand the importance of knowing your child is remembered. They understand that sometimes there are certain triggers that make the sadness be overwhelming, and that sometimes, you’re just sad for no reason at all. They know that there are days when you need to talk about it, and days when you couldn’t talk about it if you tried. They know the importance of being able to share your story, your walk, your child’s memories, your joyful and sorrowful experiences, and have no judgment. They would reach out, just to let me know that they remembered, understood, and show me that life, although different, does indeed go on. But time and again, I kept hearing a common fear. They were afraid that over time, people would forget their child. Eventually, I realized that fear.

I remember the first time a year went by and not one single person had spoken to me about Jacob or Dani. I was at school, preparing the board before the students arrived. For no particular reason, that realization hit me, and I couldn’t catch my breath. A friend found me in a crumpled, crying pile outside the school library doors. I don’t even remember going there. But she sat on the ground, outside in the cold and held me, which was exactly what I didn’t know I needed. I fell asleep that night praying that no other ‘club members’ felt the way I felt that day.

I’ve heard well-meaning people say, “Well at least you have other kids.” Yes, but they do not replace the ones I lost. People have said, ‘It’s been ___ years. Shouldn’t you be feeling better by now?’ No. There is no timeline for grief. There is no magic formula to help you get over it. I don’t dwell on losing my babies. Most days are good days now, but some days I just feel sad. And that’s okay.

All of us are most likely in one type of unwanted ‘club’ or another. Maybe we have lost a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, or lost someone to cancer, etc. The list could go on and on, but the name of the club doesn’t matter. The grief, the loss, the heartache is the same. If you are not in the club yourself, you probably know someone who is. I encourage you to reach out to those you know are dealing with loss. Even if it’s been a long time. Even if you don’t know what to say. Even if they don’t seem to be particularly sad about it on the outside.

You can bet that holidays, birthdays and anniversaries that now go uncelebrated, and those rights of passage days are still very difficult for them to get through. Don’t be afraid to bring up their loved one’s name. Share memories. Bring flowers to the cemetery. Share photos they may have never seen. Maybe send them a card just to let them know you remember. Yes, bringing it up may cause a moment of sad reflection, but the joy in knowing someone remembers is powerful. Have a blessed week!

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