One thing to remember this President’s Day Adams County Deer Harvest down over 21% MLSD amends five-year budget, prepares for future with power plant closings Lady Dragons triumph in sectional opener Lady Hounds eighth graders capture SHAC Tournament title Gary L Fetters Sr Boys Sectional brackets released ‘We’re only as good as the way we treat others’ Another round of smiles Adams County Board of DD members recognized Terry L Unger 8th Grade Lady Devils ousted in tourney semis WU’s McCarty signs with Ohio Christian Joyce A Huddleson Carolyn Spires BREAKING NEWS: Peebles police search for man accused of selling marijuana-laced sweets Decision Time BBN Senior Profile: Summer Grundy Lady Devils fall to Southeastern, 56-48 Devils outlast Manchester 47-44 in double overtime Peebles holds second Hall of Fame Ceremony Senior Profile: Patrick England Sowards hits 1,000, ties PHS three-point mark County agencies prepare for sweeping budget cuts Manchester Council votes to cut police chief’s hours Wrestling debuts in Adams County Peebles Library hosts book signing As plants power down, community must step up Raymond P Dryden Alva Palmer Billie L Shoemaker Judith Long Brent A Arn Girls basketball sectional pairings announced WU’s Weeks will continue gridiron career at next level West Union JH Boys drop pair at Ripley Eighth Grade Lady Hounds roll into SHAC semi-finals Janet A Kennedy DP&L moving ahead with plans to close power plants Outreach Center in Peebles is a hub of giving River Sweep contest winners announced Gordley hits 1,000 mark, but Indians drop crucial SHAC contest to Lynchburg Manchester lifters compete at Piketon Senior Profile: Madelyn Sanders Charles L Hurd Randy Casto Bobby Strunk Dorothy J Scott Chester A Lanter Coach David Smalley picks up 500th career win at Rio Grande Dustin Holbrook Senior Profile: Camron Gordley As usual, optimism abounds on 2017 Reds Caravan Breeze, Beasley newest members of NAHS Athletic HOF Two humble men Adams County Manor Home Health Care makes road to recovery easier Don and Venita Bowles named as Outstanding Fair Supporters ‘Tip off For Tammy’ is a huge success, joint effort by two schools Husted campaign makes stop in Peebles Benefit held for double-lung transplant recipient I loved that muddy water, building in the creek Margaret E Broughton Larry A Hanson DP&L press release confirms closing of power plants Eighth grade girls showdown lives up to hype, North Adams wins in overtime, 45-43 Senior Profile: Raeanna Stamm North Adams Football sign-ups coming soon North Adams JV girls go 11-4 with win over Peebles Harper wins MaxPreps/JJHuddle Athlete of the Week West Union duo headed to the college gridiron Lady Devils make it 11 straight with win at Peebles Adams County residents attend Trump Inauguration A Look back at our Archives Peebles native comes home to film documentary Ohio Valley Wrestling Cub hosting home match on Jan. 31 Ruth A Branscome Velma Hughes Carol L Lewis Betty L Greiner Devils top New Boston 63-53 in finale of Coach Young Classic Lady Devils rout Eastern Pike in Young Classic Indians bounce back with 67-59 win over East OHSAA Baseball Pitch Count Regulation approved for 2017 At the buzzer, Rothwell gives Dragons an overtime win Greyhounds fall to Portsmouth Lady Indians roll past West Union 80-29 From Division II to the Senior Bowl COSI On Wheels visits West Union Elementary News from the Peebles PTO NAJH Basketball hosting ‘Play For The Cure’ Jan. 28 North Adams Elementary recognizes Students and Staff Members of the Month for December Honoring a coaching legend Benefit will assist double-lung transplant patient Peebles to be featured in new documentary Cleaning the stables-the worst job on the farm Wenstrup reselected to serve on House Intelligence Committee Venture Hawks and Sheriff’s Department square off on Feb. 12 Cecil R Dupree Harper wins MaxPreps/JJHuddle Athlete of the Week Star Wars costume exhibition coming to Museum Center

A club I didn’t sign up for

By Danae Jones – People’s Defender

I have been to more funerals over the last few years than I care to admit. Unfortunately, most people have no idea how many lives they’ve touched while they are living, but at a funeral the family and friends left behind have the privilege of seeing the evidence of a life well lived. It has always seemed so cruel to me that many times after you lose someone you love, your title changes from something that you held in high regard to something that you never wanted to be. A wife becomes a widow. A husband becomes a widower. In many cases, a child becomes an orphan.

Losing anyone is extremely upsetting, but the loss that really gets to me the most is when a parent loses a child. It’s not the way it’s supposed to happen. It’s unnatural. Their title doesn’t change, though. A parent will always be a parent, but they become a member of an unspoken ‘club’. (For lack of a better term.) It’s a club that nobody wants to belong to, and where few non-members really understand what happens there. Kicking, screaming, and casting anger at God, I became a member of that club in 1999, when I had a second trimester miscarriage and lost the baby I had been dreaming about since I was 8 years old. His name is Jacob. Later that year, I lost baby Dani. This past year would have been Jacob’s 16th birthday. It’s not a day that I would expect anyone to remember, as it’s not written anywhere besides in my heart. But for me, even after all these years, the birthdate is still harder to take than the loss date. My baby sister understood that, and would send flowers in remembrance, and that meant a great deal. But it’s still sad knowing we should be celebrating all of those rights of passage that other kids get to celebrate. Starting kindergarten. Losing teeth. Getting a driver’s license. My other children and I often make cookies on that day, but I mostly spend the day despising the fact that I’m a member of a club I didn’t sign up for.

For those first few months after the loss of my babies, there were many cards, phone calls, and meals brought to the house. After that, I found that most people didn’t know if saying something about it would upset me, or didn’t know what to say, so they would say nothing, which was even worse. But I understood. Everyone handles situations like that differently, and you never know what the right thing is to do. But for me, having it not acknowledged at all was very hard to take.

My babies were here, a part of my heart and soul, and were taken from me without my permission. That’s when I realized that there was one advantage to being a member of this ridiculous club, other club members. They understand the importance of knowing your child is remembered. They understand that sometimes there are certain triggers that make the sadness be overwhelming, and that sometimes, you’re just sad for no reason at all. They know that there are days when you need to talk about it, and days when you couldn’t talk about it if you tried. They know the importance of being able to share your story, your walk, your child’s memories, your joyful and sorrowful experiences, and have no judgment. They would reach out, just to let me know that they remembered, understood, and show me that life, although different, does indeed go on. But time and again, I kept hearing a common fear. They were afraid that over time, people would forget their child. Eventually, I realized that fear.

I remember the first time a year went by and not one single person had spoken to me about Jacob or Dani. I was at school, preparing the board before the students arrived. For no particular reason, that realization hit me, and I couldn’t catch my breath. A friend found me in a crumpled, crying pile outside the school library doors. I don’t even remember going there. But she sat on the ground, outside in the cold and held me, which was exactly what I didn’t know I needed. I fell asleep that night praying that no other ‘club members’ felt the way I felt that day.

I’ve heard well-meaning people say, “Well at least you have other kids.” Yes, but they do not replace the ones I lost. People have said, ‘It’s been ___ years. Shouldn’t you be feeling better by now?’ No. There is no timeline for grief. There is no magic formula to help you get over it. I don’t dwell on losing my babies. Most days are good days now, but some days I just feel sad. And that’s okay.

All of us are most likely in one type of unwanted ‘club’ or another. Maybe we have lost a spouse, a child, a parent, a friend, or lost someone to cancer, etc. The list could go on and on, but the name of the club doesn’t matter. The grief, the loss, the heartache is the same. If you are not in the club yourself, you probably know someone who is. I encourage you to reach out to those you know are dealing with loss. Even if it’s been a long time. Even if you don’t know what to say. Even if they don’t seem to be particularly sad about it on the outside.

You can bet that holidays, birthdays and anniversaries that now go uncelebrated, and those rights of passage days are still very difficult for them to get through. Don’t be afraid to bring up their loved one’s name. Share memories. Bring flowers to the cemetery. Share photos they may have never seen. Maybe send them a card just to let them know you remember. Yes, bringing it up may cause a moment of sad reflection, but the joy in knowing someone remembers is powerful. Have a blessed week!

One comment:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

2016 People's Defender